There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
