I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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