i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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