I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
