i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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