getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
