Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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