she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
