I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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