Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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