Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize