All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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