something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize