We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
