you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
