I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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