clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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