Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
