im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
