i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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