Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
