So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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