I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
