How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i've created a new STD.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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