I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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