He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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