Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
