Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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