i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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