Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
