i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
