Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
