he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
