The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We need to get me chipped asap
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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