we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
