No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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