I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
