did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
