the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
