I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
