It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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