I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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