thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
