Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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