I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
