Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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