he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
