Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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