my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize