it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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