Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
