I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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