also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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