i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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