remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
