no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
