Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
