Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
