kristin has been a bad kristin
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
