where am i from again
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize