I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
