were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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