Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
