i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
