Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
