I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
