there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
