I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
