believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
