i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
