I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
