I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
