Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
