happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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