so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
