I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
