She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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